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I could, in a few moments after the Doctor put me in among them, even taste this most fetid scent at the pit of my stomach. Even our food and drink were so contaminated with it, we could taste nothing else, sometimes. It at first seemed to me, I must soon become nothing less than a heap of putrefaction. But I have found out that I can live, move, breathe, and have a being, where I once thought I could not!

This awful scent was owing to neglect in the management of the Institution. This was not the visitor's ward. Seldom any, but the asylum occupants, found their entrance into this sink of human pollution.

The patients were never washed all over, although they were the lowest, filthiest class of prisoners. They could not wait upon themselves any more than an infant, in many instances, and none took the trouble to wait upon them. The accumulation of this defilement about their persons, their beds, their rooms, and the unfragrant puddles of water through which they would delight to wade and wallow, rendered the exhalations in every part of the hall almost intolerable.

To endure this contamination, I felt certain my daily cold water bath must be continued; but how could it be done, with only one tin wash basin for eighteen persons? I found that we all could hardly find time to wash even our hands and face, before breakfast, in this single dish, much less could it be spared long enough for one to take a full bath.

My attendant tried to get my bowl and pitcher from the Seventh ward, to accommodate me, but the Doctor forbid it. I asked him for it. He refused me.

I then claimed the right to take a new chamber vessel, that was brought into the ward for another purpose, and tied a scarlet string around the handle to distinguish it, and kept it under my bed for my washbowl. By this means I was able to continue my daily bath, although I found my feelings of delicacy revolted from the gaze of from four to six room-mates, who occupied the same dormitory with myself.

The Doctor expressly forbid my having a room by myself, but compelled me to sleep in this dormitory for one year, where, each night, my life was exposed, by the violent hands of these maniacs. I have been obliged to call up my attendant, some nights, to save being killed by them. Still the Doctor would not let her give me a room by myself.

I have sometimes thought the Doctor put me there for the very purpose of getting me killed by these maniacs.

I have been nearly killed several times, and I have appealed most earnestly to Dr. McFarland to save my life, but he would simply turn speechless away from me! I have also asked him to remove some of the most dangerous ones for my safety, and the only response would be, to bring in a more dangerous one!

I made no complaints, never expostulated with him, nor spoke a disrespectful or reproachful word to him, in vindication of my own rights. I never made any confession to him of wrong doing on my part, nor presented any plea for pardon or forgiveness.

Neither did he ever utter one word of explanation to me, why he was pursuing this course of treatment towards me. Neither could any one about the building ever get him to give them any reason for this change towards me, except:

"It is all for her good."

But to the credit of my attendants, the two sisters, Misses Tenny, and Mrs. Waldo, the matron, I am happy to add, they did not feel bound to co-operate in all the Doctor's plans to abuse and torment me. Indeed, the oldest Miss Tenny, openly and boldly refused to treat me as she did the maniacs. In her own language I can vindicate her, for her conduct corresponded with her words.

One day, after sympathizing with me in my privations, she said:

"Mrs. Packard, I shall not treat you as I do the other patients, notwithstanding the Doctor has ordered me to. I shall use my own judgment, and treat you as I think you deserve to be treated."

And indeed, she did treat me like a sister. I do not now see how she could have done better by me than she did; and to her kindness, and tender sympathy, do I owe much under God, for being able to escape the many dangers and trials which enveloped me, and come out from among them unharmed.

The two Misses Tenny deserve much credit also, for the reasonable and judicious treatment they bestowed upon the other patients in this ward. In fact, they were the first truly kind attendants I had then seen in the Asylum. They were the first I had found, who seemed to fear God more than they did Dr. McFarland.

Even the day following the Doctor's order to not let me leave the ward on any account, she took me to the trunk room herself, and asked me to select any articles from my wardrobe I wished, and let me take my sewing box, containing my knife, scissors, and spectacles, etc., and gave me a drawer in the dormitory table to keep them in, and put the key of it into my own pocket. This was a marked act of confidence on her part, for there were strict rules in this ward, that no knife or scissors be allowed in the ward, even in the hands of the attendants.