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Modern Persecution, or Insane Asylums Unveiled
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2328 | These daily distractions, added to the intense mental exer-tions of these my midnight labors, had now perfectly pros-trated my health. | |
2329 | One morning my attendant missing my presence at the table, called to my room, and said: | |
2330 | "Ain't ye up yit?" | |
2331 | "I am sick, Elizabeth, please excuse me, I cannot go to the table, and do not wish to eat." | |
2332 | Perceiving my inability to rise, she brought me a plate of baked pork and hot biscuit! | |
2333 | I thanked her, but declined telling her it was impossible to eat it. | |
2334 | She seemed angry, though my manner to her was perfectly gentle as it had ever been. She hastily responded: | |
2335 | "The rest on 'em don't complain; its good enough for 'em they think; un its good enough for ye too, so ye'll eat that or git nothin." | |
2336 | I preferred to "git nothin." | |
2337 | I then very mildly asked her if she would bring me up a cup of weak tea without sugar, if that was not convenient, a glass of cold water. She replied: | |
2338 | "If yee's to good to eat sich us the rest on 'em eat, I won't bring ye nothin more." | |
2339 | So shutting my half-door with a bang, she left me. | |
2340 | But as it seems "my time had not yet come to die," I rallied, and in two or three days, again became able to leave that bed of pain, and go out into the hall. But as neither rest nor safety was to be found there, I again went to my room. | |
2341 | Here, being so weak, the intrusion of the noisy was more annoying than ever; being now unable to either amuse them or attract them out of my room, as I had often done before. They would persist in pulling over everything in the room, then in the same manner, would examine my person, put their hands into my pocket, and feel of my head, making themselves, in spite of the best efforts I could make to get rid of them, most disgustingly familiar. | |
2342 | They would overhaul the work, which even here, I still tried to do; often taking away parts of it, causing much disturbance. In other moods of mind, they fancied me their enemy, and would inflict punishments like Lizzy Bonner, on their own re-sponsibility. | |
2343 | Sometimes they would strike me suddenly, knock me down, and often spit upon me, either in my face, or upon my hands or garments, as suited their convenience. Sometimes they annoyed me still worse by trying to pull my clothing from my person, declaring it was theirs, and I had stolen it from them. | |
2344 | Now in my present condition of weakness, I ventured to humbly ask her to lock me up alone in my room in the day time, explaining how they annoyed me, and promising if she. would comply with my request, that I would help her again about her work all I could, as soon as I was well. | |
2345 | But she refused, saying: | |
2346 | "What business had ye to be here then? ye ain't crazy, Tin ye must have been ugly, or yur friends wouldn't put ye into sich a place as this, I ain't a goin tu run round ahter ye, un ye needn't be complainin iny more to me. If they kill ye, 'tis likely ye deserve it." | |
2347 | So I concluded that though locks and keys were always ready to be used against me, yet never could they be used for my protection or advantage. | |
2348 | Therefore, as now I could not defend myself from their fury while sitting up, and feeling very sore and lame, from their blows, I felt no longer able to fight so unequal a battle, and now retired to my bed in the day time, covering myself as closely as possible, to protect my head from the danger of their blows. | |
2349 | My attendant did not allow such indulgence long, but soon ordered me to: | |
2350 | "Git up, and not muss up the bed yi the day time." | |
2351 | I rose mechanically, and once more, with but half an armor, endeavored to win my desperate way. | |
2352 | So, on and on I struggled daily, never for a moment losing sight of my original determination to learn all the mysteries of "Lunatic Asylums!" | |
2353 | Whenever I walked from my screen-rooom -sic- to my meals, to the wash-room, indeed anywhere, I had to "watch there-fore" how I should step, in order to escape some of the "dangers" which, in the language of a well-known religious poet, "stand thick o'er all the ground, to push us to the tomb." | |
2354 | If I went too near an old lady, Mrs. Triplet, who always sat in one place by which I was obliged to pass on my way to meals, she would brandish her arms and curse and swear loudly, threatening to kill me. | |
2355 | If, in my attempts to escape her, I came too near another on the opposite seat, (both of whom spent most of their time sitting on their seats) the latter would discharge a load of spittle, which she had previously prepared for my reception, into my face, or about my person. | |
2356 | So I was each moment obliged to study how to so adjust my steps as to escape this Scylla and Charybdis. I found it neces-sary also to appear to be careless, and to conceal from all the fact of my using such vigilance. I did literally walk in a straight and narrow way. | |
2357 | My position here constantly reminded me of that locality, so graphically described by Bunyan, the "Valley of Humili-ation," where Christian, at every step encountered "gins, traps, pits and snares." | |
2358 | These were ever menacing my progress, and often caused me internally to exclaim: |