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Never do the least thing but what you would be willing the whole world should know of it, for even your motives will all be revealed and exposed, either to your shame or glory. This fact rejoices my heart; for could the world see my heart as it is, as God sees it, naught but love and good will to all mankind, to every individual, could be found there. Time will develop that even my persecutors cannot find a truer friend to them than I am -- none more ready and impatient to forgive them, if they will but repent.

Don't be discouraged or disheartened, although the darkness which envelopes us is so dense as to be felt, for these clouds are about to break in blessings upon our heads. "Behind a frowning Providence he hides a smiling face."

Do your routine of duties faithfully, as you used to do when I was your guardian, and God will take care of our destiny. I do fully believe he is now working for us in the best possible manner.

When we do meet, shan't we have enough to talk about? Won't we have "good talking times" as you used to say, when you sat in a circle about me, to hear me tell you true stories about my childhood? But good by, for the present.

Your Loving Mother,
E. P. W. P.

CHAPTER XX.
How I Obtained my first Writing Paper.

On March 9th, 1861,1 was allowed to pack the trunk of one of my most intimate associates in our Ward, Mrs. Betsey Clarke, who was to leave the next morning with her son, who had come for her. While packing it I had the good fortune to find four sheets of letter paper which had escaped the supervisor's notice.

My good friend readily consented to let me have it in exchange for some articles of my wardrobe which she needed, and thus I, an asylum prisoner, became the honest owner of four sheets of paper! A prize almost invaluable to me.

Hitherto all my efforts to obtain a sheet of paper had been futile, since the Doctor had given a general order to all the employees not to let me have paper or stationery of any kind after he had consigned me to this maniac's hall.

I had written before this time on tissue paper, margin of newspapers, cotton cloth, or brown paper and such like, and had handed clandestinely letters written on these materials to the trustees and Dr. Sturtevant, our chaplain, and retained copies of the same on the materials where I now find them.

With these helps I had kept a private journal, too, from which the facts of this book are compiled.

Now, with these three sheets, I felt, under the circumstances, richer than any fortune could have made me. With a very fine pencil, I was enabled to write two or three times the number of lines that were ruled, so that I put a wonderful amount of matter on a very small surface.

Mrs. Hosmer, the sewing room directress, knowing how eagerly I watched her sewing room to get such writing materials, ventured to try an experiment to gratify this wish on my part. Being a strict observer of all the rules of the house, she could not aid me in this desire without the Doctor's consent.

She therefore bought a pocket diary, and asked Dr. McFarland's permission to make me a present of it on "New Year's."

He consented, and I thus came into possession of another treasure of inestimable value.

I used this most faithfully for one entire year, and had just written my final entry for the last day of December, and was just returning it into my bosom, its safe hiding place for one whole year, when lo! my door was suddenly and unexpectedly pushed open by the Doctor in his velvet slippers; he thus caught me, before my treasure was out of sight.

He sprang towards me and seized it forcibly from my hand, before I could get it into my bosom, and sitting down began to read aloud from it, in spite of my protests against his seeing my private meditations.

He made fun of some portions; others he tore spitefully from the book, saying as he did so, "that is a lie! "

I begged that he would return it without tearing it. But he heeded nothing I said, either in defence of its truth, or of my claim to it, as by his consent I had obtained it.

But instead, put it into his vest pocket, and walked off with it.

This is the last I ever saw of this part of my asylum diary. My journal covering this period is complete.

It may be gratifying to my readers to know how I preserved my journal and private papers. The greatest part of my asylum journal, up to this date, I secured by hiding it behind a false lining in my band-box.

One day I found a piece of wall paper, and I clandestinely sewed this into my band-box for a lining, behind which and around the box I concealed my papers.

Some of them I hid between the black cloth and the board on the bottom of my satchel. I cut open the edge and scaled it off with a case-knife, and after filling the pocket thus made, I sewed it up, where they were kept undiscovered.

Some I placed between the millinet crown and the outside covering of my traveling bonnet. I encircled this crown with so many thicknesses of paper that it sometimes caused, the exclamation, "How heavy this bonnet is!"