Library Collections: Document: Full Text

Miss Moran gave a lesson in the art of sewing, in which instruction I participated. Mary Vernon was the most advanced pupil; she could dimly discern the outline of figure, also could distinguish light from dark. How great blessing to be able to do even this. She was a very lovely girl in disposition and manner. The sewing hour passed, Miss M. led me through the house and grounds, and though October with its presaging voices echoed amid the trees, the garden was still beautiful, neither the fruit nor flowers had as yet all departed. We next went to the music-room, where we found Prof. Loughery performing on the piano; he entertained us for some time. We were joined by Anna Buckler and Mary Poteet, who came to conduct me to be introduced to Miss Alcorn, the matron. She received me very pleasantly, saying: "She was happy to have another added to their little band."

The bell rang for tea. The arrangements and regulations of the Institution seemed very strange to me at first, I had been so indulged at Aunt's; however, I soon accommodated myself to them.

The next morning I went into school. I do not think I shall ever forget my first attempt to read. I thought it impossible I ever should learn, but my motto was, "Where there's a will, there's a way;" and I determined if application would enable me to surmount the difficulty it should be overcome. So with my various other studies, knowing "what had been done could be done again," I resolved to make every possible effort, hoping in the end to acquire knowledge which I might devote to practical purposes, as well as enjoy, as the, rich reward for what of toil and labor, the effort might have cost me.

As I have before said, Cousin Sarah urged me to promise to meet her in heaven. Latterly this subject had occupied seriously my thoughts. I was in the habit of attending the Lutheran Church, in Monument street. During my visit to New-York, a new pastor had been appointed, which I regretted, thinking it impossible any other could acceptably fill Mr. Lilly, the former pastor's place. But I decided, at least to hear the stranger, and then form my opinion as to his merits. Accordingly, I went to church Sabbath morning and heard Dr. McCron deliver as powerful a sermon as I had ever listened to. It had great effect upon me. I returned home deeply convinced of my sinfulness of heart. Feeling somewhat prostrated from my excited state of mind, I lay upon the sofa and fell asleep, when I dreamed I had died, and in an instant was at the gate of heaven. I was no longer blind. At a silver desk covered with writing materials, there sat a strange-looking man. He turned and looked at me in a manner so searching, it made me shudder -- then asked in a tone of voice that sounded like thunder in my ear: "Do you wish to enter the gate?" On my telling him "I did," he said: "Have you a ticket from God?" This query made me wretched. During this conversation the gate had repeatedly opened to admit those who on earth had secured a ticket entitling them to an entrance.

The light streamed forth in such crystal brilliance, I was forced to cover my eyes to shield them; and the loud hosannas of those who heard the welcome words, "Come in: of such is the kingdom of heaven," almost deafened me. My agony was intense -- Heaven's gate closed against me -- no entrance there for me; like the foolish virgins my lamp had not been found trimmed and burning. From this painful imagining I was aroused by a well-known voice, happy indeed, to learn 'twas but a dream, "if dreams they be which have so strong a power o'er heart and brain." I resolved to heed the warning given, and secure ere too late, those graces and Christian virtues, which, united to a pure heart, and firm faith in Him who died to redeem a lost and mined world, would entitle me to a home with those who alone see God.

I sought an acquaintance with Dr. McCron, and under his prayers and teachings became a member of the visible Church the May following. The day of my confirmation seemed the happiest I had ever known. As I knelt at the altar I felt as though a heavy burthen had been lifted from me, that had hitherto been weighing me down to the very earth. I can not express the happiness I experienced; I felt at peace with all the world. The voices of my friends sounded like sweetest music in my ears; I thought I never could sorrow again. Since that to me eventful period, Dr. McCron has been as a father, ministering pious counsel and holy teachings. I can at all times freely unburden my heart to him, and am ever sure not to be turned empty away. Tender sympathy and hopeful words seem ever to spring up in response, to even the faintest whisper of sorrow or regret. May his labors be abundantly acknowledged of the Lord, and the seed he has sown broad-cast in the land, produce a harvest which shall redound in glory to the Most High God.

CHAPTER XX.

"ROSES bloom, and then they wither;
Cheeks are bright, then fade and die;
Shapes of light are wafted hither,
Then like visions hurry by." PERCIVAL.