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Illustrations Of Insanity, Furnished By Letters Of The Insane

Creator: n/a
Date: April 1847
Publication: American Journal of Insanity
Source: Available at selected libraries

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Since my stay here, I have suffered more than tongue can tell or pen can write. I thought when they were bringing me here, it was taking me to judgment, there to meet my final sentence of "depart from me ye cursed to everlasting flames." When I ascended to the chapel on the sabbath day, I thought it was the judgment hall of Christ, and that it was a temporary platform built over the infernal abyss, where the evil spirits were congregated together.

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For six long months I remained deprived entirely of reason, and nearly deaf and blind at times, and subject to the greatest agony of body and mind, and a burning inflammation on my brain; sleeping on beds of fire at night, and eating food and taking medicine three times a day, which seemed to add to my torments. But I will not distress you longer by telling you more, as it will only tend to trouble you, and bring back to myself thoughts which are not comfortable. Suffice it to say, that my reason has returned, and with it my health, and I think I am almost sure that I am more free from disease than I have been for several years.

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There are three hundred patients in this Asylum, and new ones coming almost daily; there are forty-three on the same floor as myself, and you would be surprised to see how neat and orderly every apartment is. We have a large hall where we remain during the day, and at night each one has a comfortable room and bed. Besides this, there is a dining room attached to the hall, and a verandah where we can enjoy the fresh air. Every floor is provided with bathing tubs, and I find bathing a very healthy exercise, more so than one would suppose that had never indulged in so great a luxury.

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I will now give you a brief account of my first returning consciousness. The Matron presented me with a new dress on condition that I would help make it. I regarded this as the price given me to betray Christ, and refused to accept it on any conditions whatever, but she and others insisted upon my taking it. I at length yielded to their importunity and accepted it, but not without great suffering of mind.

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After I had taken it, it seemed to be a dreadful burden imposed on me, I would lay it down, and run from it as from a snake, and at other times take it up and run after the attendants, and beg them to release me from it, though I did not speak, my tongue seemed palsied, and I could express my wishes only by signs. I laid down the cloth, and went out with one of the attendants to take a walk, and when I returned to the house, I tore off the breadths one by one. It seemed at first like severing the soul from the body. The struggle was great. But it was the beginning of returning reason. I went to bed that night feeling better, and next morning was a reasonable being. This was but two weeks ago, and I have been well all the time since, except for a very short time. I suffer no pain worth mentioning, and think I shall soon have good health. I want you to write. &c.

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The writer of the letter which follows, is a lady of intelligence and education, of pleasing manners and very industrious habits. On ordinary subjects, she manifests no mental derangement, though she rarely converses long without alluding to the teachings of the dear Spirit. She is one of the most amiable and happy persons we have ever seen, calls herself the daughter of Zion, and has the most unshaken belief that the Millenium is near at hand, when every one will be happy. She has been deranged six years.

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Utica Asylum, Feb. 1847.

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DEAR CHILDREN -- Agreeably to your request, I write you. It is not because your mother has not desired to communicate with you in writing that I have not written you, neither is it because that love, that I believe will ever be unshaken towards you has been diminished, or that the bosom that has participated with you in happiness or sorrow, has not the same sympathies. It is not that, but knowing, or thinking what I have to communicate, if I should write, (for I could only write truth,) it would be thought derangement, I have deferred writing, as I have. I believe, the time near that the dear Spirit that I have trusted, and do still trust, to be near that you will not only know about, myself, but also about your ownselves, dear, dear, children, I greet you in anticipation respecting the happy prospect before us. We are life in union of the dear Spirit, that suffers and desires to deliver all life from a state of captivity that ensues. People know not as they will hereafter from the understanding they have, of what is in the book, called the Bible. There is a Spirit that denominates itself Spirits, transactions have been as they have, suffering, great suffering has ensued, which I believe, will be delivered from before long. There are three Spirits doing in way, that I believe a deliverance will be imparted. In the way that the three Spirits took the life that validly belongs to the form, called your mother, as yourselves which was then at the place called Heaven, was to be imparted in form of woman upon the earth. The one called your father, was Spirit of the Spirit itself, imparting itself in way that it did in form of woman, to be with me upon the earth, which has passed through the captivity in the way that it did, as also have myself and yourselves, self existent Spirit was providentially in form, male and female, the two Spirits other than the one in union of myself, has Spirit in union of itself that was providentially in form of female, which I expect will dwell upon the earth when the captivity is delivered from, for in the way the three Spirits look, they are to come and tell the people the truth. That Spirit is now at Heaven, that is with the other two Spirits, unless a little in places other than there is the place it has itself for itself at the present.

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