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But he did know I had no darling babe at my side, but, solitary and alone, I must compose myself to sleep, not knowing at what hour of the night my room might be entered, nor by whom, or for what purpose -- for the key of my room was no longer in my own, nor my husband's hands, but in the hands of stranger men, and his wife entirely at their mercy.

Yes, this is all the protection I got from the one, for whom I left all to love, cherish and make happy, in return for his promised protection. With all the trusting confidence of woman, I never doubted but he would protect my virtue and my innocence.

Yes, I trusted too he would be the protector of my right of maternity also, for the dear children I had borne him.

O, could I sleep amid these turbid waters, whose surging billows so mercilessly swept over my soul thoughts such as these! But one thought there was, more dreadful to my sensitive feelings than all others -- now these dear children, these dear fragments of myself, must be exposed to bear the dismal, dreadful taint of hereditary insanity, for their mother now lodges amid the hated walls of an Insane Asylum, as an inmate!

And oh! to whom can their mother now look for protection? To whom shall I make complaint if insulted? Oh, to whom?

I cannot write a letter unless it is inspected by my men keepers. Why is this?

Is it because they intend to insult me and deprive me of my post-office rights to shield and hide their own guilt?

But can I not hand a letter clandestinely to the trustees, as they pass through? If I could do such a thing, and entered a charge against their superintendent, would this be heeded? Would not this superintendent deny the truth, and defend his lie by the plea that his accuser is insane, and this is only one of the fancies of her diseased brain.

Yes, yes, there is no man, woman, or child, or law, who now can care for my soul, or protect my virtue!

And yet, while I am an American citizen, I am excluded, without trial, from society, and then denied any protection by law of one of my inalienable rights. I am not only outlawed, but I am absolutely denied all and every means of self-defence, no matter how criminal, nor how aggravated the offence maybe.

My womanly nature does call for, and need some refuge to flee to, either to the law, or to man. But here, I have neither. Should my keeper chance to be a bad man, I have no refuge but my God to flee to -- therefore into Thy hands do I commit my body for safe keeping this night.

My spirit, and the future of my earthly destiny, I have long since committed to Thy care, and now protect my body from harm, and give me the sleep my tired nature so much needs, and thus prepare me to bear the trials of to-morrow, as well as I have those of to-day, and Thou shalt have the honor of delivering me from the power of my adversaries. May no sin be ever suffered to have dominion over me.

With these thoughts, I fell into a quiet sleep, from which I awoke not until the morning of my first day in the Asylum dawned upon me.

CHAPTER VI.
My First Day of Prison Life.

At an early hour, I arose from my settee-bed, first kneeled before it, and thanked my kind Father in Heaven for the refreshing sleep I had enjoyed, and asked for sustaining grace for the duties of the day. To prepare myself for these duties I took my sponge bath, as usual, since Mrs. De La Hay, my attendant, had, at my request, furnished me a bowl from her own room, towels, etc., so that I could take my bath in my room, as this had long been a habit I very much wished to retain while there. I soon found that she had especially favored me in granting this request, since it is the general custom there, to have all the ladies perform their morning ablutions in the bath-room, and I could not learn that any, except my attendant, approved of washing all over, daily in cold water, as I did. And, as a general thing, their toilet had to be prepared before the same common mirror in the bath-room.

Therefore I requested Mr. Packard to furnish my room with a bowl and pitcher, and a mirror, which he accordingly did, and before another night, I had a bed prepared like the other prisoners, which was a comfortable, narrow mattress bed, on a narrow bedstead. Mrs. De La Hay had done the best she could the night before, to accommodate me, since the beds in the seventh ward were all occupied when I arrived.

After finishing my toilet in my room, with the aid of my own brushes and combs and small mirror, which my traveling basket contained, I was invited out to my breakfast with the other prisoners.

At my request my attendants introduced me to my companions, most of whom returned my salutation with lady-like civility.

Our fare was plain and coarse, consisting almost entirely of bolted bread and meat, and tea and coffee. But as I drank neither tea nor coffee, I found it rather dry without any kind of vegetables, not even potatoes, and sauce or fruits of any kind. As my diet had consisted of Graham bread, fruits and vegetables, to a great extent, I felt quite apprehensive lest my health would materially suffer from so great a change.