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I cannot get his consent in this matter, therefore, the act being right in itself, and a duty also, I must act not only without his consent, but without his knowledge. Therefore, under the circumstances, a clandestine act of self-defence is not a sinful act because of its secrecy.

But to whom shall I apply? And how? are the next questions to be settled.

I will first appeal to the Trustees, as they are the power to whom my earthly destiny is now committed, and they have the first right to superintend Dr. McFarland's actions, in regard to the prisoners under his charge; and I feel morally bound to try to get the Trustees to compel their Superintendent to act justly towards me.

Under the influence of such feelings I wrote the subjoined letter to the Trustees, on a piece of tissue paper, which when folded compactly, occupied a space no larger than a silver quarter. I knew they were to hold a session at the asylum in March next, 1861, and it was to be my business to get this letter to them at this meeting. But here was the difficulty.

Since hiding me among the maniacs, the Doctor had evinced a peculiar sensitiveness at my being seen there, which was never manifested while I was an occupant of the seventh ward. And he had even led the Trustees past this ward, without even allowing them to enter it, since he had consigned me to it. Now how could I give them my letter, either openly or secretly? No employee would do it for me, lest Dr. McFarland's displeasure be incurred, and then, of course, a "discharge" awaited them.

Still watching and praying constantly, while they were in the house, I carried my little note in my pocket, hoping by some good fortune, I might yet get it into their hands.

At length my name was announced as wanted in the dining-room. I gladly responded to the call, where I found Mrs. McFarland and Mrs. Miner waiting to receive me to hold an interview with me.

Finding it too dangerous to take my callers into the hall which I now occupied, I was then allowed the exposure of my own life to be suspended long enough to entertain them in the dining-room.

Happy beyond measure to find myself in the presence of a trustee's wife, my whole mental powers were centered upon knowing how to employ her as the confidential medium of my letter to the Trustees. But the fact was self-evident to me, that Mrs. McFarland had come as a spy upon me, lest I should, in some manner, either by word or look or letter, communicate to her some intimation of the injustice I was experiencing at her husband's hands.

And so complete was the espionage she exercised, that I began to fear that this hope must expire in its bud. When they arose to leave, and as Mrs. McFarland's back was towards us as she opened the dining-room door, I watched my chance and buried this little note in the palm of Mrs. Miner's hand, and closing her hand upon it, I gave it a significant pressure, as much as to say:

"Don't betray me -- but do your duty."

And at the same time kissing her, so that the transfer seemed a perfect and satisfactory success; that is, I felt sure she understood my meaning, and was willing to aid me in doing anything right and consistent.

Of course, she could and would read the open note before assuming any further responsibility. And from the impression I received of her feelings, I was satisfied that she would do right about it. But whether I then misjudged her, I cannot tell, or whether her husband kept the letter himself, or communicated it to the Trustees, I know not. But this I do know, I never heard from the note, or from its influence.

That seed, though thus buried for eleven long years, now rises to a tangible influence, and by its mute appeal to the lawmakers who read this letter, it may lead them to see the necessity of demanding fidelity in their public officers, to whom they have entrusted the sacred right of their personal liberty.

To the Trustees of Jacksonville Insane Asylum, in session at their March meeting, 1861:

GENTLEMEN: -- Here under your inspection, a Christian mother, and an Illinois citizen, has been imprisoned nearly nine months for simply exercising the God-given rights of opinion and conscience; and this, too, in only a lady-like and Christian manner. Nothing else!

Now, can you be guiltless and let this persecution go on under your jurisdiction?

Do remember, and be warned by God's unchangeable law, viz: "With what measure ye mete withal, it shall be measured to you again."

Do allow me to live a natural life in America, so long as my own actions allow me a claim to my own freedom. Do deliver me out of the hands of Dr. McFarland, for he has claimed to be better than God to me, in that he says to me that his judgment is a safer guide for me than my own conscience!

And yet I am in the absolute power of such a man. Do, I beg of you, deliver me from this fear of evil!

Do but give me the opportunity, and I will give you my pledge, if necessary, that America need no longer be burdened with me, as a citizen, than until I can get under the protection of the English crown, where I can hope to enjoy my rights of opinion and conscience unmolested.