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New England Chattels; Or, Life In The Northern Poor-house

Creator: Samuel H. Elliot (author)
Date: 1858
Publisher: H. Dayton, New York
Source: Available at selected libraries
Figures From This Artifact: Figure 2  Figure 3  Figure 4  Figure 5  Figure 6  Figure 7

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2072  

"Five hundred and sixty dollars! ha! ha!" said the moderator. "Down they go! What's a loss to you, gentlemen, is gain to us, ha! ha! ha!" and every body shouted -- (no! some there were who could not shout -- "ha! ha! ha!")

2073  

"Five hundred and fifty-five!" said Siddleton.

2074  

"Five hundred and fifty," quickly retorted John Stoddard -- and as every body refused to go below him, John Stoddard got the contract.

2075  

This individual was a lame, and a rather significant looking piece of humanity, walking always with a staff, and using constantly a good deal of tobacco; but there was a sharp twinkle to his little left eye, that spoke more than words, and volumes of books, about his true character. It seemed to say, "Now, I've thought this thing over myself -- eh? Didn't think of that, did ye, eh? It's all put down in black and white, dollar for dollar, dime for dime, penny for penny, eh? Did you know that, say? Don't be uneasy. We've got our thumb on it, and it's there, eh? Did you know that, hey?" He was a remarkably close calculating and shrewd man. -- He was never known to have made a poor bargain. He always appeared to come off best in all his trades, even in his pious ones, for though John always bid off a high priced slip in church, and seemed to be shifting his ground and looking towards the benevolent and easy side of things, i.e., spending money rather too freely -- he was shrewd enough to know that he could always rent or sell such a slip at a good profit; that half or two-thirds of it would rent to some body who wanted a smart slip, for very nearly the cost of the whole, and so he at the very smallest cost maintain a high stand in the sanctuary. He went to the town-meeting with his mind made up to bid in the paupers at any sum over five hundred dollars -- and so he made fifty dollars on the speculation at the outset.

2076  

Mr. Siddleton was vexed. He was galled. He knew that he lost money last year, but he had determined to recover it this. (The paupers did not know of that determination, poor souls!) Mr. Siddleton knew that his wife would feel bitterly disappointed. She wanted to do more for them than ever. Her attention had been fully aroused to their spiritual wants; so many of them necessarily die off every year, she intended to be more faithful to them for the year to come, and endeavor to eradicate from their minds and hearts all love of the world, its passing and vain shows, its fashions, pleasures, indulgences and desires. He knew that she proposed to follow up vigorously a course of instruction in these matters that would eminently fit them to die, no matter how soon, and Mr. Siddleton thought he had good and just occasion to feel bad.

2077  

So he went among the people and made several insinuations that if they meant anything -- meant that in his opinion John Stoddard was a hard case, and just about no man at all. There were some who thought so too; while there were these who had the good sense to believe that the paupers would be as well off with Stoddard as with Siddleton. Mr. Siddleton didn't know these latter sentiments, and so he continued to express his opinions as freely as at the first.

2078  

There were several persons who stood as ready as Siddleton to bid on the paupers at six hundred, or at seven hundred dollars, and these of course thought, if it was not folly in John Stoddard to bid them in at five hundred and fifty dollars, it would have been in them. He himself, shrewd as he was known to be, was rather regarded as "sold," and a good many told him so; but every body noticed a decided twinkling of Johnnie's little eye whenever the thing was cast at him, and they began to think he had something in the wind that every body didn't exactly comprehend.

2079  

After a time, Siddleton and Stoddard happened to fall in with each other as they were walking here and there in the hall and in front of it, and Siddleton slapping him on the shoulder said, "Well, you've got a tough job of it, neighbor Stoddard I I'm good on that in a bet of one hundred dollars; ha! ha! ha I" and Siddleton shook the bank bills in his face.

2080  

"I dare say it's a tough one, neighbor Siddleton; you found it so, now didn't ye, eh?"

2081  

"Yes, blast me if I didn't! I'm mighty glad the stuff's off my hands -- it'll go hard with you, Stoddard; come, plank us a hundred on a bet of that, eh?"

2082  

"Oh, I don't want to lose money too fast, neighbor Siddleton. My money comes too hard for that. Now, with your experience you know it's perfectly safe to bet a hundred dollars! You know I shall lose it, so what's the use, eh?" and twinkle went the little eye.

2083  

"Ay! ay! I see where you'd hide, old fellow; plank the money if you dare."

2084  

"Oh, no, I guess not, Siddleton."

2085  

"Try him, try him," said Lawyer Tools.

2086  

"No, I guess not. You see it's a tough, tight squeeze to make any thing at best."

2087  

"And be humane and merciful," said Siddleton.

2088  

"That's it exactly," said Stoddard; "it's too bad to bet on the poor devils, and to be under temptation to screw them if you don't come out good towards the end, eh? (Twinkle, twinkle.)

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